ok so having pink eye is pretty inconvenient and embarrassing (listen, it can come from prolonged contact lens usage too, folks, and I’m pretty sure that’s the cause here). I’ve been sitting in a dim room only to emerge at night for dinner and then to foolishly go out to a party (cause that’s what you do when you have a contagious disease, right?) and to have all the bros ask, “why are your eyes so red?”
cause I’m not going to let a little infection stop me from getting my drink on amirite
ugh but really my eyes sting like a bitch and I need to learn to take care of myself
The best time to fangirl is when you’ve had a few beers in you.
—Rachel Kolman, my bestie
Things that happen when I develop a crush on gamer boys.
yup. all the boys and all the feels.
If you love someone, set them free. If they don’t come back, text them when you’re drunk.
your legally retarded 2nd cousin could have predicted this cast, are you shitting me
“hey it’s obvious we’re all famous friends that write & star in each other’s shit, but OH MAN is this going to blow everyone’s mind to see not just one or two of us in a movie together, but ALL of us??”
because sometimes instead of sleeping you need to go out to a karaoke bar and sing Avril Lavigne’s “Complicated” to a room of predominately lesbians who are encouraging your drunk slurring of the words. and then sometimes you need to sit in the parking lot of a 7/11 and consume a liter of water and a slim jim before you tell yourself you are ok to drive. sometimes you need to just go to work hungover and be glad you did something on a weekday instead of watch netflix and pass out at 9pm
- I will never get tired of making mix cds
- I need to put on more than SPF 8 tanning oil when I go to the pool for two hours. I’m a freckled redhead, you dumb cunt
- If I go more than 24 hours without talking to anyone I automatically think I’m the loneliest person alive
- I really just want to read a fun YA book over a popular literary one
- No matter how long I consider something, I’m just gonna go with my gut reaction always
- I partly want to go back to school just so my student loans can go back into deferment and I can ignore how big that number is getting
- I think I have a crush on all my guy friends on some undefined level
- this post is me procrastinating real work
how soon after you meet a guy and he adds you on all the appropriate social media platforms is it too soon for him to delete you? Is it like the backwards rule of calling, wait 3 days and then delete, cause let’s face it, that was a drunk connection you and I shared, I don’t need to see your tweets blowing up my feed, am I right?
in any cause I was deleted in 48 hours
getting to by pool by 9am was the first good decision I made today. No clouds, high 70s, and the bros aren’t awake yet and judging me when I fold up my tankini top to get more sun on my pale belly.
Finally reading Tina Fey’s Bossypants was my second good decision of the day.
Getting a Publix sub for lunch was the third.